Upside Down 

Do you ever fell like life is upside down? 

I know I do. 

It uaually last a day or two and then I am feeling great again. This upside down funk seems to be sticking around longer then I would like. 

I feel like I want to run. Yet I keep finding reasons to skip my run. 

I want to ride my horse. Yet I keep finding reasons that I am too busy. 

When I ride, run, lift and eat a proper diet I feel like a million bucks. 

Right now I would be lucky to feel like one dollar. 

So why do I put myself through this? Why don’t I just always do the things that make me happy? 

I have two reasons or excuses it depends on how you want to look at it.  

Reason One. I have never been lead to believe that it was ok to be happy. It was normal to want to be more (slimmer, faster, richer, prettier) and want more. It was normal to be unsatified with my life. 

Reason two. I am a stay at home mother and wife. 

Let me get deep and real with reason one. It is false and I know it is false. Yet it is so easy to lead myself to believe those things again. I always felt that I was expected to do better then I did. No matter how much effort I put into aspects of my life it wasn’t enough. Could I be happier. I am sure I could, however I am beyond content and at peace with what I have. God has blessed my family with my amazing husband, and we have two beautiful healthy children of our own that we weren’t suppose to be able to have. The piece of property we live on is more then we ever imagined we would own. I am in better shape than I have ever been. I am truly happy. 

Reason two. 

It was taken me many years to come to terms with being a stay at home mom and wife. Lots of people think it’s the easiest job in the world. I on the other hand couldn’t disagree more. This is the hardest job I have ever had. I always want to make sure that the house and yard look good the kids have fun things to do. I try and do extra things that on my husbands days off he can relax and enjoy some family time. However going back to number one I just don’t feel like I do a good enough job.  I put doing things for my family ahead of taking care of me. 

With all the rambling where does this leave me. Still upside down. Trying to figure out what I can do to make everything right side up again.