The number on the Scale

 

I have felt overweight or thought I was overweight since I was pre teen.  I look back at pictures from my teen years and think wow I wasn’t fat. Then ask myself why I thought I was. The reason I thought I was because teen girls are cruel.  I was called names, I was excluded from things, I was told I couldn’t do things because I was fat.  It not only came from peers there were times that family would also do and say things to let me know I was too heavy. So that is what I came to believe.

Truth be told I was actually a beautiful young lady, I had ok grades and when I did something I gave it 110% and was usually good at it.  I showed horses and cattle, I played the flute and had many responsibilities at home and school.  I was a very well-rounded person. However I let what everyone else made me think I often suffered from depression, was quiet and often kept to myself.

A little history between highschool and today in very short form. I moved out of my parents home and away from my horses and the weight started to be put on.  Dealt poorly with some health issues, never learnt about nutrition and had a couple of babies. The weight kept coming on and on and on.  reaching my heaviest with my second pregnancy at 275 pound and continue to battle depression.

I still struggle with listening to others instead of what I hear in my heart. So I often tell myself that when I lose X amount of weight then I will do this with my horse, I will be able to run this fast, I will be able to try more sports and I will be a happier.  I have had people tell me sure you can do that but you won’t be any good at it because you are too big.  You will get hurt if you do that because of your weight.  Just over the last month or so I have come to understand that my happiest is not defined my weight, and I can reach my health and fitness goals with my size.

My youngest is now 8 and I am struggling with my weight.  However now I have learnt and am still learning about nutrition, and  I have tackled my fitness head on.

I have two young children one of which is a girl and I am trying to teach them how to think positively about themselves and how to encourage others.  Just because some one says you can’t do something doesn’t mean that you can’t.  You can do anything that you want it will take time and hard work.  I am teaching them about food, fitness, mental health, general health and that the number is not the most important thing.  The kids watch me struggle with my weight however they also watch me achieve great things.  They have watched me run many races, work hard with learning to ride horses again, lifting weights and trying new things.

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