Ramble

It’s been a happy go lucky, look how great my life is 8 plus weeks here on the blog.  Now it’s time to get real and get raw. 

We all know the saying the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. So many of us believe it, spend countless hours dreaming about what life would be like if   

I am not an exception from the rule. I have lost many a day day dreaming of looking a certain way, of having a huge perfectly decorated clean house. Name brand clothes, fully loaded vehicles and on and on. 

It wasn’t until today when talking with another mother that I realized how we all want what we don’t have. 

I don’t want to live a life of I wishes. 

I want to live a life if I am so blessed. 

It’s tough to do though. 

I have struggled with being a stay at home mom ever since I became on. Wishing and dreaming of working again.  Now that I am working again, I miss so much about being home. 

I am a plus size woman. I have always been plus size. Well that’s what I have always thought.  Looking back at old pictures I often think wow I wasn’t fat I was really pretty.  A couple weeks ago I left the house on cloud nine feeling like a million dollars. Later seeing a picture of myself I went wow do I ever look like a fat cow.  I go through these emotions a million times a day. The thought of summer and shorts and bathing suits and people seeing me scares me and brings tears to my eyes. 

I can ride my horse well, I want to ride exceptionally, I want to take clinics, I want to be coached. Yet I seem to butt heads with every one I try. Why why why ?  I want and need to learn more.  This is one I still struggle with and I hope to one day find a coach that I really click with.  

Money. The root of all evil. The one thing that controls all. Well truth be told it is only those things if we let it.  For many years farmpa and I let it control us.  One year ago we put our foot down and are taking control of our money. Right now we are living like no other so we can live and give like no other.  

Every once in a while stop and take note of your life.  Over the last 6 months I have really been focusing on being a better wife, mother, friend and now I have to spend a little bit of time being better to me.  It’s time to count my blessings and thank God for each one.  

This post is all over the place, that’s ok because my brain is all over the place right now.  This is a point where I would quit and give up and I tell you that is exactly what I want to do right now.  Guess what not this time. I will not back down. I want to see where this will go if I keep on pushing myself. I am designed for greatness. 

Farmfitma 

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One thought on “Ramble

  1. Well, the Love of money is the root of all evil, because that is what is needed to allow money to run us. Money is simply a tool that we need to use, not the other way around! Go girl! You have come so far…looking forward to where you will go 🙂

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