After a week of camping, I have come to the conclusion that I need to reset.
I miss running. I miss how it made me feel, how I looked and the race medals.
I miss lifting weights. The pure join of feeling strong, pushing my body to places I didn’t think possible and sweating.
After two weeks of eating whatever I wanted I feel blah, I don’t like the way my body is functioning and I really dont like the way my body looks.
I find it crazy how quickly a person can become out of shape, I am there. I have become the overweight unfit person again.
I am struggling to find my why. It use to be that I wanted to play with my kids and be a healthy example for my daughter.
It doesn’t feel like a enough any more. Of course I have a picture of myself in my mind of what I want to look like, however i am not sure my body can ever look like that. I want to be able to do certain types of exercise, but can I do them with the damage that is already done to my body. I have so much doubt on myself. I have no faith in myself. It is the yo-yo happening all over again. My body is really happy where it is weight wise, however I am not. I don’t like the rolls, I hate getting dressed in the morning, I feel like I am failing people.
I woke up yesterday morning and decided to hit the reset button. I have somehow lost the drive to maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle. I have let other aspects of my life take over and finding the balance is tough. I started the day with a workout and then a day of pampering in the city. Putting food that I enjoy and is good for my body.
Today I am focusing more on getting caught up with business. Getting some research done, getting projects finished, updating my website and still trying to be active and feeding my body.
My why is still unclear to me. There are so many reasons that I want to be in shape and healthy, I just need to pinpoint the one reason that really drives me that I don’t want to give up on.